Major Arcana: The Lovers

“Committing crimes defy society and even morality itself. 

On a grand scale, it’s nonsensical on the terms of reciprocal altruism. 

However, you decide to commit crimes for your own self-indulgence,

And that alone is why I understand the logic behind your heinous actions. 

I feel like I can relate to you in a very dark, twisted way. 

At least that’s how society sees it. 

Dark and twisted…

But it makes sense that each person must take pleasure in participating in different hobbies,

And although your source of hedonism is to inflict others with pain,

It is still a valid reason. 

I am so sorry that you never got your needs met in your past,

And that’s probably why your hedonistic ways takes this form.

If I wasn’t so concerned with what society thought and of the laws that transgress it,

I would give in to the urge to destroy other people’s lives to make my own life seem valuable too,

Even if my own life only meant something to me…

…And that is why I love you.”

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Major Arcana: The Hierophant

“The mind can calculate,

But the spirit yearns,

The body tends to palpitate,

And the heart knows what the heart learns,

You are more than simply your thoughts,

Travel out of your mind and into my heart,

For it’s been standing by,

For so long,

For so long!

The mind is sick of it,

But the spirit is disparate,

The body aches with loneliness, 

And the heart knows rejection limitless,

You are more than simply your thoughts,

Travel out of your mind and into my heart,

For the last thing I want to do is,

Give up.

Give up!”

Major Arcana: The Emperor

“All these tears

Has watered down the years

Of a man whose long gone,

But he still carries on.

They destroyed what he had built,

And he now has survivor’s guilt

About all the species he thwarted 

On his climb to nirvana he cavorted.

He’s a lonely leader who favors brains over brawn.

But change is a thing you can count on.

Reprimand tradition,

Expel all the poison

And run. Run. RUN!”

Major Arcana: The Empress

“You were panting,
and you bled.
I couldn’t look because your body…
your body would seize,
And I know you feared a lonely death
Like how an ocean leaves you alone within her depths
But people can’t live alone.
If you give in and sever your ties to human society,
it will naturally become hard to live in it, inevitably,
Yet you refuse to face life and admit your fault,
running from your own humanity like a coward towards The Occult.
And though you claim to find life troublesome,
HE. WAS. NOT. THE. ONE!”

Major Arcana: The High Priestess

“You bide your time,

You stay afloat,

You try to feel the Sun upon your bones…

Some people don’t understand

that just to give someone attention

and to show them that you’re interested in getting to know them

is optional. 

You don’t have to.

You want to 

and that itself should mean something to them. 

You believe some people think that the world owes them something 

but the truth is that the world doesn’t owe you anything. 

Whenever you feel love

and affection 

or even fair treatment 

from someone else, 

for even a moment, 

it is a miracle and a blessing within itself.”

Major Arcana: The Magician

“Beyond repentance,

Talented prostitute wench vomits your mind in succession,

Vibrant senescence,

A heathen defying the social contract for mere self-expression,

Please recall,

Consecutive mistakes would just make Him seem flawed in spite of the jury,

In the court of Law,

You’re an innocent yet diverse being who must oppose the guilty monotony”

Major Arcana: The Fool

“​Step forward, 

or He will choke you with the very darkness you wear as a shroud of fear,

Before the threshold,

There’s no way to fathom a tainted soul to bare,

It’s undeniable,

You’re drenched in youth so clandestine and so full of bliss,

You think you’re invincible,

Idly standing a bit too close upon the precipice…”

The Language of Fear

There are so many endless possibilities, so much so that it feels pointless to pursue any path in life at all.

I garner a plethora of talents and yet I blame others for these talents not being recognized outside of my own spectrum of reality.

And I blame others, as well, for my inadequacies and for refusing to escape from my comfort zone by any means necessary.

What is there to do when you’re so used to following the same old script day-in-and-day-out all your life?

The same habits,

the same addictions,

the same mannerisms,

the same routine,

over and over again…

I am to blame for this misfortune but I’m not going to leave out my childhood either.

It seems to me like we all live this cruel existence consisting of emotional suffering in a constant recollection of one’s past.

It’s like we’re in a play where we just live in chronic turmoil while God observes from the sidelines.

Mankind seems to be a mere source of amusement for this higher being that we all perceive differently.

Within the darkness of doubt, I can hear Him whisper softly in the language of fear:

“Fallen victim to your crime

You used to pray for space

Drown in Me one more time

And mend your wicked ways”

Unscripted II (2 of 2)

(Transcribed from 5:59 to end)

For the longest,

I thought I was worthless

That I was nothing but an insignificant means for people to let out their frustrations on

A punching bag

An easy target

Because my kindness and my big heart is mistaken for weakness in this world

And we are socially conditioned to see it as weakness

And emotion

But it’s the fine arts that stretches the boundaries of that

Of everything

And that is who I am

Yes!

I will defy society whichever way I can

And I will be the loneliest man in the world if it meant that I can just be myself

And I lie here at three in the morning

After my guided meditation

After my trip to the spiritual realm

And I lay here in my bed

And I don’t see it as half the bed being filled

I see it as more space for me

More comfort for me

And the Law of Attraction,

I’ve been ignoring,

Like I said

But no more!

Because whatever I want and whatever I desire can be obtainable if I just change my mindset

It all starts there

And to be grateful for the things I want,

Even if I don’t have it right now

But that the things that I want are en route

That they are coming

If I can just imagine myself already in riches and in love again

Where I don’t have to worry about bills

And debt

Or loneliness

I will never feel alone again

And I don’t feel alone because I tell myself I am not alone

And I am not poor because I tell myself I’m not poor

there are people far off worse than me

And there are people better than me…

…in one aspect or another

I feel like we’re just in between two ultimate extremes

And I’m okay being average

Because I am the best at being myself

And I will find a way through this

Being completely honest with myself right now

I want you all to see this

To feel this

I hope to God that you’ll be understood

That I’ll be understood

That we can live in a world where we’re understood

No matter how vulgar

Or how obscene

Or how inappropriate

My feelings or how I convey my feelings and emotions

It’s who I am

And everything I say and do and think can be relatable to another human being

Anything a human can create,

Another can understand it

That way, I’m not alone

I tell myself I am not alone because I am not alone

I’m here with you all

On Earth

We’re all human

We’re all the same species

I am with you

And you are with me

With every breath I take

[deep breath]

 

Unscripted II (1 of 2)

(Transcribed until 5:58)

I just finished meditating

How I usually do

In the bath tub

Taking a nice, relaxing bath

And I light the candles

And I fill the bathtub with nice, clean bubbles

And I turn the lights off 

And all you can hear is the humming of the AC

Of the fan

And a slight meow from my cat

Wishing me luck on a brief yet cherished journey

An interlude cherished all the more for its brevity

And I lay in the warm water

This liquid gold that will exonerate me for my sins and my negative thoughts

For I have been neglecting the Law of Attraction for far too long now

And I play some guided meditation

And I allow myself to be led astray in a world that’s not my own,

But a world I strive to be a part of, even if it’s just for a moment

And I crave this world

I yearn for it everyday

I remind myself that I’ve been here before and I can return at any time

A place where technology doesn’t exist

And the rushing cascades of water down a waterfall

The feeling of the Sun on my skin

The sounds of chirping

The trees swaying in the wind,

Rooted to the ground yet dancing to the beat of life

And I allow myself to be taken into this world where all my worries and cares are acknowledged

But are easily swept away

Life’s most simplest indulgences I feel I’ve come to neglect

The little things in life that I’ve lost gratitude for such as my feline companion

Or state benefits

Or food in the fridge

The clothes in my closet

The AC that keeps me cool during the Summer

The heater that keeps me warm in the cold

And the beautiful – 

The beautiful world where I come to acknowledge and surrender myself to the beauty that I’ve come to just ignore

And to send my love to the people who’ve hurt me

And to give them my forgiveness

And to allow myself to grow because there are no mistakes,

There are no losing situations,

There are only opportunities

There are only learning – 

Learning opportunities

Where I can become a better person and become more well equipped 

To be the best version of myself

But sometimes I wonder why when I try to establish any human connection,

It seems to be distant

Or strained 

Or brief

Yet cherished

And appreciated

And adorned

For this nostalgia takes over me

And I clear my mind

And I allow myself to succumb to the whims of my past

Why am I left alone?

Why did everything I love and everyone I love just leave?