I would try to rekindle a relationship with an old flame. He broke my heart several times before but I kept giving him chances I later realized he didn’t deserve. Being held in his arms was familiar and comfortable yet I knew it wouldn’t last at that point. The only times he smiled was when I was losing my mind. The confusion, the need for his validation, and this ongoing obsession made me resort to sleeping with random men when he wasn’t there. Anything to try to replicate the original high only he could fully satisfy. I would zone out to the times those arms wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely aware that a simple statement could make the beautiful illusion collapse once more.
It’s been almost two years, but the psychological abuse still affects me to this day. I don’t know anyone else in my life who was also a victim of a Narcissist. This feeling of loneliness persists like a chronic addiction. This depression is like withdrawal from a drug I sometimes would rather just get in the habit of doing again. Yet the drug itself wants nothing to do with me anymore. It never reciprocated my love for it. The Narcissistic supply he needed from me is depleted. He is my special brand of narcotics I can’t find anywhere else while I am just another generic drug he probably already replaced by now.
Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian