A Surreal Memory I Sometimes Wish Would Just Go Away

I would try to rekindle a relationship with an old flame. He broke my heart several times before but I kept giving him chances I later realized he didn’t deserve. Being held in his arms was familiar and comfortable yet I knew it wouldn’t last at that point. The only times he smiled was when I was losing my mind. The confusion, the need for his validation, and this ongoing obsession made me resort to sleeping with random men when he wasn’t there. Anything to try to replicate the original high only he could fully satisfy. I would zone out to the times those arms wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely aware that a simple statement could make the beautiful illusion collapse once more.

It’s been almost two years, but the psychological abuse still affects me to this day. I don’t know anyone else in my life who was also a victim of a Narcissist. This feeling of loneliness persists like a chronic addiction. This depression is like withdrawal from a drug I sometimes would rather just get in the habit of doing again. Yet the drug itself wants nothing to do with me anymore. It never reciprocated my love for it. The Narcissistic supply he needed from me is depleted. He is my special brand of narcotics I can’t find anywhere else while I am just another generic drug he probably already replaced by now.

* This link convinced me that it was best to stay away.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

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13 comments

  1. Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

    Hey! How are you? 😊
    That is all your feelings in words, eh?
    I told ya. You deserve way better. And of course, your writing is always moving.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The One-Eyed Angel · June 5, 2016

      I’m doing well. I actually had a really great day yesterday. So I’m grateful. Thank you for your support. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

    😄😄

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

    I always feel positive after talking to you. I don’t know why that is. It has been great knowing you. 😀😁

    Liked by 1 person

    • The One-Eyed Angel · June 5, 2016

      Thank you. And I feel the same way. I think maybe it’s cus despite everything I’ve gone through, I still choose to be humble and positive. It is always a choice. No one can MAKE me do, say, or feel any type of way. And I can only hope that I inspire you realize that for yourself if you haven’t done so already. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

        You do. You seriously do. As I’ve said before, I admire that you confess your mistakes. Expose your real self. That is anything but inspiring. 😄

        Liked by 1 person

      • The One-Eyed Angel · June 5, 2016

        I realize there’s nothing to fear in this regard. Only good can come out of being honest about my true self. Anything a person can think, feel, or create, another person can relate to it

        Liked by 1 person

      • Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

        Very true. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • The One-Eyed Angel · June 5, 2016

        Everyone has issues. But people tend to hide it very well, at least outside the mental health system, they do. Lol. I really liked your latest post btw. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

        Haha. Thank you so much. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      • The One-Eyed Angel · June 5, 2016

        You’re welcome! 😀

        Like

      • Game Of Words · June 5, 2016

        😄😄

        Liked by 1 person

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