Celebrating The Life Of Sara

 

I was too afraid to speak up at your memorial so I wrote this for you:

I didn’t know you that well, Sara, but everyone’s stories helped me piece together an idea of who you were. So many people care about you. You were always out there meeting new people who automatically became friends with you. You taught me that being dark isn’t as powerful as being an angel. I wanna be just like you. Friendly. Loving. Positive. And everything else wonderful that made you who you were. I wish I got to know you better. I’m glad I got to find out as much as I could from the people’s lives you touched. I hate myself sometimes for joking about death and suicide. I’m sorry that my dark humor is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I tend to overlook other people and assume that I’m the only one who hurts. I always wonder why not many people pay attention to me or why their faces never light up when I walk into a room. Now I understand it’s because I don’t put myself out there in the community like you did. You were amazing! You went to so many events to spread awareness and even spoke in front of politiciansĀ about mental health equality! You always smiled so I never thought you were going through so much that you would end your life the way you did. You once told me that you were fascinated with how I am. But now it’s easier to admit that I’m fascinated with how you were too. I can never be nearly as caring and kind to people like you used to be. I have been hurt by others so many times that I tend to put my earbuds on just to have an excuse not to hear them. I drown the world out with music. Now, I feel like all the emotions I have repressed for so long are spilling out like a tsunami. It’s unbearable. Why did you die and not me? I know if I continue to remain the same, I will continue to miss opportunities to know other aspiring people like you. I doubt my memorial service will be nearly as populated as yours were when I die someday. So one of my new goals in life is to positively affect so many lives that people will care enough to love me the way they loved you. You will be missed and it was a pleasure meeting you, my dear.

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Sara was even on TV making a difference in this world for the better.

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(From left to right: me, Lyne, Sara, and Caspian) At last year’s Toivo’s ProHealing Festival

 

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

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16 comments

  1. Bunnet · February 14, 2016

    I’m sorry to say don’t know who she was

    Liked by 1 person

    • tpcsufian · February 14, 2016

      She was a friend of mine who passed away recently.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bunnet · February 15, 2016

        What did she pass away from? And you mention she was involve in several community projects

        Liked by 1 person

      • tpcsufian · February 15, 2016

        She committed suicide. She was an advocate for mental health equality. She did more than I ever bothered to. I admired her. There are certain practices in the mental health field that are debatable based on ethics. Like getting restrained or prescribing people medicine without proper studies first. Things like that. Personally, I always thought the human race is doomed of its own volition but perhaps if there’s more people like her who put themselves out there too, this world would be a better place.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bunnet · February 24, 2016

        It incredibly shocking that while she fought for the very laws to protect others, she could not find protections from them. As someone who experience the very affect of suicide, depression and others form of mental challenges, I think very clear the system does nothing for it. Not in the US, or many parts of the world

        Liked by 1 person

      • tpcsufian · February 29, 2016

        I agree. Mental health problems are not something that can be seen. Physical ailments are different cus they can be seen.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Trish · February 14, 2016

    She ended her life? I wasn’t able to make it to the wake. She was loved by so many and touched so many peoples lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tpcsufian · February 14, 2016

      I attended the memorial. I didn’t go to the wake either. I could tell just by the stories that were told and all the emotions in the room that she meant a big deal to a lot of people. I wish I wasn’t so self-absorbed when she was still alive. I feel terrible.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. loomy9138 · February 15, 2016

    We are all fighting our own fight, and to each of us it is the worst thing imaginable. That is normal and okay. I’ve found that the people that smile the most are usually the most damaged. It is a wonderful disguise.

    You were doing the best you could with what you had available to you at the time. And that is okay. My wish for you is to accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can and be wise enough to know the difference. You can’t go back, but you can change the future.

    Take care of yourself, you are helping the world with your blog, and if that is all you can do right now, then it is enough!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tpcsufian · February 15, 2016

      Such powerful words! I highly appreciate it. I tend to smile and laugh a lot too. To the point where I become manic. It feels nice for it to be confirmed that I am indeed helping the world with my blog. I always feel alone but I have to keep telling myself that loneliness isn’t real. A lot of people out there must think they’re alone too. I need to show them that they’re not alone in feeling like they’re alone. Sara set out an example to uphold to. She was a symbol. I can’t give up. I refuse to. Thank you for your comment.

      Liked by 2 people

      • loomy9138 · February 15, 2016

        Finding the good in the bad is important! I am sorry for your loss, but grateful that you are using it to inspire you. You are absolutely not alone, feel free to reach out anytime you need someone to talk to! riseofthephoenixblog@gmail.com

        Liked by 1 person

      • tpcsufian · February 15, 2016

        Thank you so much. Do you have Facebook too?

        Liked by 1 person

      • loomy9138 · February 15, 2016

        I don’t really do the whole social media thing, sorry!

        Liked by 1 person

      • tpcsufian · February 15, 2016

        It’s okay. At least I got your email address. It was a pleasure meeting you! šŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  4. andreathompson2 · March 5, 2016

    Beautiful tpcsufian! Just beautiful tribute. I liked the caring back and forth on your comments, too. loomy9138 was so supportive and I agree with her wholeheartedly! I’m following your blog now. I like real.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tpcsufian · March 5, 2016

      Thank you. I’m so busy with college and work as well as dealing with my mental health problems so I apologize if I don’t reciprocate for your blog as you do with minem

      Like

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