Hello to my worldwide fallen angels! How was your day? So strangest thing happened today. I was watching what I can assume was a rerun of Burn Notice. I don’t know if you ever heard of it. It’s a show about this guy who was blacklisted from the CIA and is forced to do missions for various people to earn his way back to the force. Burn Notice is not the main point of this post. It’s just that there’s a storyarc in the series about the man’s past concerning an abusive father and resilient mother who had to go through so much to raise him. Anyway it triggered something in me that I can’t even understand. You see, my ex was abusive towards me but for some reason, when I saw today’s episode of Burn Notice, I had this weird idea to call him. I didn’t, of course! But still, I don’t get why a domestic violence scene would enable me to want to call my ex. That’s not a normal human reaction to such things. Why am I like that? Can anyone relate? It’s not like abuse is sexy or healthy at all. At least it shouldn’t be. I will never allow myself to go through that psychological torture that was my relationship with my ex. I refuse to ever call him again. I just had to say something. Without blogging, the loneliness would probably have taken advantage of that brief window of weakness. It seems like the things in life that are bad for me are the most tempting. My ex is forbidden fruit and I’ll admit it’s gonna take me a loooonnngggg time to fully be okay with his absence. It’s been almost a year already and when I think I’m okay, something triggers me into thinking about him again. I have gotten over guys in the past, but I didn’t know what love was back then. Maybe I still don’t. Love isn’t abusive. If that’s the case, then I have never been in love ever. According to that logic, my ex fiance will just be another hurdle I must train myself to jump over. Maybe I merely scratched the surface of love is. I never felt so confused in my life prior to the day we met. Even when he’s physically not around, he has this control over me apparently. Being aware of this control is the key to resisting the urge to contact him. The same way I work out or meditate or train myself to ground, center, and shield due to my empathic ways, I must also train my entire being to resist my ex as well as any other forbidden fruit. No matter how tasty. That’s life. A constant struggle between good and evil, within yourself. That war is always an internal one. Anything outside of yourself is out of your control. If everyone focused more on themselves and facing their demons rather than pointing fingers at each other, this world would be a better place. Unfortunately other people’s troubles allow us to forget about our own. It’s easier to place blame on others. I have a war raging inside me. But I must always keep in mind The Three Laws. Law of attraction will persuade me to be positive so that more positivity is attracted to my being. Negating that law would be to be negative ultimately allowing negativity to take over me. Law of allowance encourages me not to let my fears and anxiety render me from new thought patterns and experiences. Closing myself off because of the past will inevitably prevent me from seeking any chance of salvation. Law of acceptance is to admit to myself that my ex is toxic and even though I feel lonely, at least I have a chance to grow and find myself. God took my ex out of my life for a reason. I must accept that and trust that God is paving the way for my time of peace and true love. Pray for me. The whole world is in my prayers. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
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