An example of a tough life includes antidepressants and lots and lots of therapy. It was the psych meds that really altered my mind in ways that both were beneficial and harmful to my overall psyche. Although my formally prescribed “crazy pills” helped me a lot to deal with my traumatic past, these same pills drastically affected my memory. Out of all the topics we have discussed in class, I relate best with chapter six’s Memory. People in my life notice when I’m under stress, I tend to forget a lot of what they tell me. Forgetfulness has been an issue for me so often that I am sometimes afraid it will impact my daily life for the worst. The good thing about antidepressants is that when they are taken as prescribed for a long period of time, bad memories tend to be harder to recall. The bad component about psych medication is that it makes it harder to remember things that people say or do that would otherwise be very important to look back on. Repressing negative memories is usually hard to do with the average person but I feel those meds were a blessing in disguise.
From 14 to 20 years old, I have been prescribed to take many kinds of pills that specialized in improving my psychological flaws. This selective memory, I like to call it, makes it easier for me to focus on being positive and moving on from the catastrophic anomalies that makes up the majority of my life. I see people all around me talking about the same topics in their miniscule lives that they spoke about years ago. I say let it go. Whatever may make someone angry can lead to tendencies to hold grudges or act violently. I guess it is easier for me to let things go because I usually forget what makes me upset to begin with. I speak for myself though. Resilience comes to me naturally. Living my life the way I do makes me think of a kind of correlation. The less I can remember, the easier it is to not sweat the small stuff and keep my eyes on the prize. By that standpoint, I guess it is safe to say memory plays a huge factor in the overall wellbeing of anyone. However, I acknowledge the fact that that correlation only applies to so many things. Having no memory at all would be terrible as well.
It’s wise to establish a happy medium within yourself. Another comparative statement comes to mind. The good is never easy, and the easy is never good. It’s great to be able to discard bad thoughts but it wasn’t easy to train my brain to acquire that ability. The same way it’s effortless to do something that you regret or to let your guard down by not being cautious, but it’s difficult to deal with the repercussions of unfortunate events. The other day, my brother tells me to pack the following night because he wants me to sleep over his house later on in the week. Sometimes words do go in one ear and out the other. I completely forget writing that down or packing ahead of time and then I end up saying, “Oh yeah! Sorry, I’m busy and I got a lot on my plate. I will get to it right away.” So I have my brother waiting for me outside my apartment in his car for the millionth time so that I could ransack everything I need for an overnight stay in under five minutes. It’s funny how often that happens. Understanding the difference between memories worth recalling and memories best left forgotten is one of the problems that I still work on to this day.
In retrospect, the concept of memory is very intriguing to me because I understand it in a personal level. Separating short-term and long-term memories as well as bad memories from the benign is a challenge to everybody, not just me. Antidepressants made my internal struggle with maintaining memory a bit easier to deal with. However, it also puts me in an unusual state of mind. I love who I have become regardless of how much I focus on training my brain. It’s rigorous and exhausting to attempt time and time again to remember things that would help me just as it is to push away the negativity and move forward in my life. I take it one day at a time. Hopefully one day, I will gain the mental discipline I need to repair my memory. I believe the key to life is to always work on improving yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically.