“I have thwarted off evil many time before,
And I can’t build bridges from shore to shore,
I’m afraid we can’t see each other anymore,
I know you’re sorry but it’s either walls or a door,”
The memory of his words unearths my grave,
Setting free my tears that my heart has caged,
Like a ghost in the sheets,
A gaping mouth thrashing about in the night,
A force that must be contained,
Unruly is this juggernaut’s plight,
Present beyond life,
Beyond any means of control,
Persistent to alleviate some unfinished business,
Please reassure me that I’m not crazy.
The voices in my head will agree with you.
For my Ethics course in college, my professor assigned me a few questions to answer before Valentine’s Day. The questions were: What is love? What is the nature of love? How do you know when you are in love? The following is my response:
I think love, at least romantic love, is underlined by reciprocation and compatibility. It’s a give and take. There’s a mutual understanding that both parties are human and desire many things including companionship, but it also opens one’s eyes to seeing that no one’s perfect. It’s the imperfections that we relate to and can empathize with. “Through sickness and health until death do you part…” It’s the highs and lows that any human relationship worth enduring and working on with the exception that many more emotional, physical, and mental boundaries are surpassed through time. Romantic love is the long-lasting effect after infatuation ends. It’s when the other person isn’t merely a flawless being you’re attracted to, but a vulnerable, flawed person you can share all your pain and joy with. The nature of love seems to be… natural. It happens automatically and then slowly as time goes by. The infatuation is just a way to be drawn in. When that ends and the mask comes off, it’s both parties’ choice to decide whether or not the flaws revealed are worth accepting. I know I’m in love with someone when I put their needs ahead of my own, when I think about them the moment I wake up all the way until the last thought of the day before slumber takes over me, when I am considerate of their feelings before I do or say anything whether they are around or not, when trust and respect becomes effortless to give and receive, when patience is easy to maintain whereas before it wasn’t, and when physical attraction is a pleasant preliminary to what lies within their very being.
You think I did a good job answering those questions? Are the questions assigned to me objective or subjective? Please comment your opinions below. Thank you for reading, my lovely fallen angels! Over and out.
“Trauma and its memories set on repeat,
Forget about God and admit defeat”
I feel like there’s a void in my life that can’t be filled,
No matter how hard I try.
I’m baffled by how little you mean to everyone else
When you mean so much to me.
My aching heart needs you more than Heaven does
Yet you’re more afraid of a heart than you are of a gun.
It’s a cruel injustice to bare witness to the emotion you exude,
Knowing there’s absolutely nothing I can do to save you.
Forgive me for staring…
Forgive me for breathing…
Here I am;
A constant manifestation of the anticipated “farewell”
I always blame myself for your own fatal inadequacies
For we all destroy ourselves eventually…
I’m on my knees,
You’re how I pray,
Begging you “please,
Just let me stay…”
It’s crazy how I’m always the one who initiates the conversation everyday. And when one day, I don’t begin the day’s discussion, he never even contacts me. If only he knew just how much the silence kills me. If only he knew how hard it is to wait for him to be ready like I am. If only he knew just how different and better I am than any other man he had been with. He would understand what he’s truly missing. A faithful and loving companion who would appreciate his masculinity, his compassion, his hardwork, his caution, his fear, his pain, his joy, and his time. He would find the greatest love of his life. Me.
He bound her wrists and ankles in rosary,
And buried her within his walls.
That was the only way he would let her in…
He was just as scared as she was.
But now she doesn’t need him anymore.
His lips were killing her.
It was fine before,
Back when she yearned to die.
You think you’re the only one who hurts? One thing that mankind has in common with its own brethren is that we all suffer and experience such impeccable pain. You are doing the best you can. There’s a lot of pressure on your shoulders because many people depend on you. But it is such a blessing to even know you and for you to even want to spend time with me, let alone talk to me at all. I learned in life no one ever has to spend any time on me. They do it because they want to, not because they have to. Every social interaction and every relationship established between two people is a blessing and it should be cherished and appreciated no matter how it ends or if it ever does. You don’t have to go through everything alone anymore. We could be a team. I have your back and you have mine. It would be a give and take. That’s how it should be. I’m so sorry that you have endured such past hurt, but I am not the one to blame. I noticed you generalize quite often, and I would hate for you to not indulge in the discovery we can have together just because you place me in a box with other men. You would lose so many opportunities with that sick habit of yours. You think I don’t know why you’re afraid to love again? I’ve been hurt too. You cry a little but so do I. And if you give a little, so will I. Look here, I know you said we should take things slow, but I don’t think we have being doing that anyway. We’ve already made love. Shouldn’t we have already done that after the fact? I know you said we could date other guys and that you wouldn’t mind if I was talking to other guys, but I don’t want to date other guys and I don’t want to talk to other guys. I want to be with you and only you. I think about you all the time. I yearn to be in your presence and for our passion and tenderness that we share in the bedroom. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours. I know you want to take things slow but we haven’t been taking it slow the whole time. If we can make love as beautifully as we’ve done, then why not go to see a movie together or have dinner together? I want to be a part of your life. I want to meet your family and friends and I want you to meet my family and friends. I want to integrate you into my life and I want you to do the same. Is that so bad?
There’s no hierarchy in pain.
Suicide is said to be…
I am a battered woman
longing for the source of the sacrilege
That the numbness erased.
Envy the dead
As you strut
Through the forest
And over the ravine.
I pray that you find what you seek.
Albeit I know I didn’t satisfy.
Pain is mitigated through daily distractions
Tossed through the breach as labile sexual deviance.
Please exorcise me…